Sweet, But Sadistic

That’s me in a nutshell. I often describe myself as a sensual sadomasochist, a deranged hedonist, and a kink engineer in equal measure. With more than ten years of personal BDSM experience I’ve come to many revelations about kink and how deeply it can be used to help us understand ourselves. The greatest of which is that shame and humiliation can be fun some of the time, but it shouldn’t be the default state of exploring the BDSM space.

I’m a post-op trans woman, and though I am much like any other woman, that experience has shaped how I embrace BDSM. My journey with kink started early, as my gender explorations led me to find an interest in forced feminization, and my personal fetishes led me to embrace bathroom play. But such scenes are often framed with degradation and misogyny in mind, and once I transitioned I began to firmly understand: there is nothing shameful about being a woman, or a man. There’s nothing shameful about being a dominant, or a submissive. There’s nothing shameful about any of the things we do during play between consenting adults, regardless of how taboo or strange or abnormal anyone else might think.

So what does kink without humiliation look like? For me it means a laugh and a smile, even if I’m lashing someone until they bleed. It means cupping someone’s face and calling them a good girl after I defile them with my waste. It means dressing someone up in pretty things and calling them a beautiful slut without insinuating that that makes them lesser than they were.┬áIt means reveling in the collaborative energy of working with someone to discover new sides of ourselves, rather than willfully forcing an idea of how someone should be.

My personal tastes in play run to the extreme. I’m a pure sadomasochist, and revel in the act of causing great pain to people, whether it’s with a cane, a flogger, or by making them kneel on rice or stand in a stress position. I enjoy acts of depravity like covering someone in piss or forcing them to clean my dirty shoes with their tongue. I like blood, and tears, and the rawness of emotion that comes with them. In the submissive role, I lean heavily towards the physicality of play. Mind games, and roleplay can pull me out of the right headspace, and I prefer to drown in sensation and let thoughts go. My goals during play are the artistic and emotional fulfillment of guiding someone to discover more about themselves, and to broaden our horizons. Learning, and teaching are a great joy to me. No matter what your experience level is, I’m going to love showing you exactly how far you can go.

My trans identity is not a fetish, but a strength, as many of the people I’ve played with have discovered. The particulars of my biology are miniscule in comparison to the perspective that transition has given me. I understand the pressures and frustrations that both sides of the gender divide can bring, and the fact that that divide is a meaningless line that other people decided to draw for us. I understand deeply that the masks we wear aren’t who we are inside, and that the flesh that contains us isn’t always the shape of our selves. My journey with changing my body through HRT and surgery has given me perspective on how our bodies can be changed to suit us. I’m committed to creating a space where you can be yourself, however that looks like, and however the rest of the world my judge you for it, and to celebrate that with joy and pride. No matter what your body looks like, or your genitals are shaped like, or your gender, I’m committed to inclusive, affirming play.

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